Give me some sunshine....give me some rain!

All is well? Hopefully so! Or may be not! Who cares? Question some youngsters and the most clichéd answer would be, “We barely have time”. How many of us do actually wonder that in an age where things happen lightening fast we do not have time to think on some of the most mandatory things? More so, we do not have time to think on what we want to be in life, why do we want to take up some profession? Is it because it returns fat cheque early in life or just because some peers are running to it? Some chauvinists would argue against me citing thousand reasons if I call it a “rat race”. Even then, I’d dare say that it is. Take for example, the burgeoning engineering colleges all over the country. As a kid, we used the word “burgeoning” for population. Within a span of just fifteen years, I’m alarmed to see how dramatically usage has changed and usage being so rightly made, one can not even complain. Many visionaries put up iconic institutions to catch the plight of many thousands of students aspiring to be engineers. Where the visions failed miserably was most likely the fact that they thought that work ended with putting up of the institution and that the rest would work on its own. Here, I bang the temple gongs, church bells, or even the Sikh gurbanis, whichever might awaken those visionaries, and say that it now requires toiling day and night and make the vision come true. I ask them to look into the insides, to see what kind of engineers are in the making and how they are in the making. Is the process that they are following right? Are the equipments right? Do you have the faculty support that is ready to give in everything to make world class engineers? If we can answer at least one of these questions satisfactorily, then we might as well say that we at least on the right track. When all of these have been looked into, one of the most important questions, how do you select students? Do you just select anyone that secures the required minimum marks in some aptitude test or you also look in to the reason why the kid wants to be an engineer. This would not ensure results which are hundred percent accurate but will definitely lead the kid to rethink if he actually wants to be engineer or is it any of the above cited reasons? Ensuring these few points would set things partially right. The question now is what more needs to be done? I’d again say a lot more. Firstly, the quality standards of education imparted to the students need to be under constant scrutiny. Secondly, rope in some measures to the check the level of innovation amongst students. This is because; this is what ultimately engineering is all about. I, thus plead to say, Give me some sunshine, give me some rain........

Ecstasy!

It has been quite sometime now! The final bells have begun to ring since quite sometime with the earnest request for me to wake up for it's the last and final call else I would miss the flight and probably there is no re-scheduling as well cause even if there is; by the time I make it there, the meeting would almost be done with and it would be pointless going there. Believe it or not, this time I do respond to the call (at least it seems so) and wake up to make way for the sun to bless me with all its rays. Had it not been so, as it usually was the case, I would have gone by my usual way of snoozing alarm and wandering in the intricate alleys of my mind to run after some other dream and would have as ever ignored my ethically and conscientiously punctual alarm bells. But, as I said, it's not so this time and that is why I am here to blog today in spite of wanting to do so badly since the past some days. Precisely, this is the reason I title my blog "Ecstasy". Think! You have been aiming for something for a long time and some fate-filled (not to be mis-read as fateful) day, when least expected, it finds you! That surely is ecstasy! What I talk of here is not the merrymaking that I do on the achievement of the goal but on the realisation of the fact that I am on the path one needs to tread to be there or at least I need to, in order to be able to win. I can talk of this with so much force because once you know that you are on the right path, there no second thoughts about victory. It is then that nothing else matters. Al I see is the bird's eye. I feel like repeating an old hindi dialogue, "aaj bhagwan se kuch aur bhi maangti to mil jaata". Amazing is all I wanna say. The struggle to put my feet firm was on for some years now and now it's gone. May be for the first time I happy at something going away. I usually am one of those people who becomes very sad on the departure of something, good or bad! Now! No more!

Now that I know I am on the way, the destination's well-decided and not quite far, waiting becomes difficult. Well, that says to how human I still am! I know I haven't ranted enough of what I wanted to but it's already past 1 a.m. and my batteries are out. Beyond this, it would be incomprehensible thoughts told the incomprehensible way. Anyway, I know it didn't make a lot of sense to many who read it. For all those to whom it didn't, just ignore. Anyway it were just rants and you missed nothing. But if you can, think on what I urged you to and feel what I feel right now cause you too would be there someday.

It's Saturday night!!!

Hey all!
Its saturday night! I say this as if no one knew that it was a saturday night. Of course, you did. But why do I have to shout and tell you that it is a saturday night and what is so special about it? Actually, there is nothing special about it, that's the reason I am compelled to yell out my frustration.
The cues for this story come way back from my distant past when I was a kid. As a kid, I dreamt of growing up real fast and trace the lifestyles of the youngsters that I usually saw on the television, though we just had the Doordarshan which was also a door ka darshan for me most of the times. I grew up and did enjoy quite a lot of that which I dreamt of. While at college, I realised I have not done anything great and that I was capable of a lot more than what I was doing. This feeling persisted with me for quite sometime and and I guess, inherently it still does. Infact, that does kill me at times and robs me of the happiness that is long due.
As I said, I dreamt of making it big someday and just always dreamt and never quite worked for it except for the retrospections at the regular intervals.
In the mean time, we had the regular campus drive at our college (deemed to be one of the best in the state) and I got selected in the first company itself without any hassles and efforts. Inspite of all, it gave me a sense of relaxation and almost all in the campus got a reason to celebrate and celebrations went on until it was a year and time to leave college forever. All this time, we did not realise how much of time we had wasted which would never come back and when we did realise there was nothing much to be done. Then, there was this hope of being great at job and the feeling that I would go on to be a part of the best IT company in India. Vignettes of a life that had loads of fun, freedom, money, independence and all that I had dreamt of as a kid would come alive in my mind quite often.
Pretty soon after college did I get the call to join the company I was selected in. They did not even give me the time to feel bad for the fact that I have left college never to meet my friends fo life again. All hopes pinned on those late night parties, weekend trips, great colleagues and awesome fun at office that grown ups have.
Its been a year now that I have been working with this company and I haven't seen a great saturday night or an out and out fun filled weekend bash at the nearby beach with the new friends that I thought I would make nor have I successfully enjoyed my independence. Its a satrday night again and I lay on my bed struggling to sleep and wake up early for the early morning coaching class ( a struggle again to make it to a top b-school with a hope to get out of this boredom, at least to go to a college and make new friends) . I realise today that there is nothing great about being a grown up, just the urge to grow up and the time we spend growing up is exciting, nothing else is. Its all only about sour relationships, awkward moments, unfulfilled dreams (with a still a ray of hope like every cloud has a silver lining), stressed days at office, unworthy work, dull moments with not a way out and loads of time to retrospect and immense urge to turn back..........

A year later.....(I had written this article way back in 2005)

It seems as if not many days have passed since I joined the college; became a part of it very soon .Life brought a new phase into the picture . As ever , I hated changes .I did not like the way of the college and the hostel although I was quite impressed with the campus ,and the infrastructure from day one .There were upheavals ,new entries into my life very often . New people , new place , everything was new . I enjoyed it at first , but calling up home and crying was a regular affair . Now I can very easily laugh at it but at that time I found it really difficult .No friends as yet except my roomies . I did not admire my classmates out there at college , I still do not know the reason why . It was here that I realized that there can occur such myriad changes in life , but that’s the beauty of it , and very soon I was well versed with all those changes that now have become a part of my life .The first six months took time to pass away but then things are absolutely fine , so very fine that I wanted to stay longer at the hostel even after my classes got over .

It is 8 30 am and I stand on platform no. 1 awaiting my dad to come and receive me . I am not alone , my friends are along ,waiting for my papa to come . There he comes with that grand smile on his face , and I was more than glad to see him there . We drove towards home .I am back here at home ,things all the same here , one can say no changes at all except that my younger cousin has come up to take my place at home . I was aware of this fact while I was away at the hostel .To be very frank I did not like it at all when I was told that , and no one would , I suppose . But when I came here , and met him I forgot all that , the happiness reflected on my face , strange though . I had just brushed my teeth that I got a call from mayuri saying saurav was leaving for pune the day after and he wanted to meet all of us . I did not take a second for me to say that I was coming . I just freshened up , feeling all tired and lazy , I left with bhaiyya for mayuri’s home . Both of us were meeting each other after a whole year , long time na , overwhelmed to see each other although we were not great friends during our school days , its true that you will always be happy to see your old friends even if you are not very close , however great friends you get in your new life .

We had just sat to chit chat that saurav , vineet , abhishek , sholina , and all others arrived . It did not take us more than a few minutes to revive all old thoughts of school days with the new ones that we kittians were introducing at regular intervals . They found a lot many changes in me . Probably I was the one with all the freshness , not to boast of . I was not the same ahuti was their verdict ,unanimous . I had become a lot authoritative , no more that introvert types , more social ,friendly , cool, energetic . It was a great feeling to get so many compliments from your old friends whom you were dying to meet since long for reasons unknown . I feel that’s the magic of friendship. None of us ever realized how the day was passing . It was lunch time , we went to madhuban , ordered for drinks . It was then that I got a call from pankaj saying that they were waiting outside for me . I ran out in excitement , only to find four of them waiting inside the santro and me standing in the blazing sun that was scorching all its heat on me cause there was no one else outside . I came to know that they had made a plan to go for lunch to Mayfair , I was disheartened to know this cause I could not have gone along with them at any cost and left my friends alone , although our plan had been made long before . I called all them from inside introduced them , that is my old friends and the new ones . The scene was great ,the old knew me very well and the new had just begun to, but none of them hesitated to make fun of me at its best displaying their talents in it .Minutes later we were inside the restaurant having our lunch and they had proceeded for Mayfair . We had our lunch and went to mayuri’s home for KHATTI . We just sat to discuss our new lives that I got a call from debashri saying that they were waiting for me to come home as early as possible . until now I had got a number of calls and messages from saransh and pankaj and I had told them so many things regarding them that now everyone was really angry on me . they felt neglected and that I had become a lot more involved in my new life and forgotten them or not giving them utmost importance which I guess was the prime requirement of the hour cause a few days we were not to see them anymore for years to come . I had a tough time convincing them that there was nothing like the things that were coming to their minds then ,saurav was really angry and also upset. But then he understood and I bid him good bye although I wanted to sit with them for some more time but then time makes all decisions and I had to leave . it wasn’t easy for me to say bye to him ,cause he has one my very good friends these days .

Things Change!!!

Here goes my first blog and I dedicate it to a friend of mine who suggested me the topic (through i re-framed it a bit)

Lemme take you 4 years back.......

Date: 30th August ,2004 Time: around 5.30pm

I, along with my parents and younger sister, came to an end of the month long shopping spree. I wasn't happy. The big question. Why was I on that long shopping bonanza and more importantly why wasn't I happy? All answers coming soon. The sun said bye to all of us for the day and my parents bid me good bye. Five minutes later in was inside my hostel room. I guess this statement suffices all the above questions. It was my first evening at the hostel. My mom left me at the hostel gate and I chose not to turn back and see how far they had gone. Walking straight I entered my room on the 3rd floor(this fact made me feel happy thinking that I’d slim down soon, my life's ultimate aim), D/76. It was a dorm. I found 4 beds kept next to each other and realized that 4 of us needed to share the room. I was the last one to enter the room. I interacted with them and realized that all of us belonged to the same place but none had known each other before. Silence crept in pretty soon. Soon after, scene was like, each one in her own way was sobbing over the phone, telling their respective parents how unhappy they were to be at this place. This was about the room and the atmosphere inside it. Here's what I felt. Until this day, life had seemed so sweet and colourful. My life, (if I see it through the present day) was dull, lifeless and not very happening. But, in my own way then, I was very proud of myself and my acads. These were the only 2 things in my life. Coming back to hostel life. I had not thought anything much before coming to this place. The first few days took a lot of time to pass by. The schedule was rigid. Being in first year, I was scared of the seniors as well as the staff out at this place. Same was the case with my roomies. It was like, wake up in the morning, finish with the routine paraphernalia and rush to the college. Our classes were held in a very remote kind place in one of the campuses. We needed to walk down quite some distance before we reach our classrooms. While walking down, we never ever dared put our heads up or listen to anyone on the road. 2 of my roomies were in civil and the other 2 of us in mech. 4 of us always moved together wherever we went thinking that if we were in a group ," koi humein pareshaan nai karega" and we could face it all, specially the 2^nd years. At that time, they used to be the scariest of all the seniors. We always felt as if they were some 10 years older than us. It seems so funny when I think of it now. When I see my juniors, my first reaction is, “arre yaar yeh to bachhe hain” and we used to be dead scared of these bachhe. For us, now it’s entirely an oldies waala feeling and the 1^st and 2^nd years are like kids to us. Off to college in the morning and back after classes. We dared not step beyond this routine. Food was bad. I had never had such spicy food ever in my life. I had a bad time then and I still do. Probably, this is one of those things that haven’t at all changed in the 4 years of my stay at this place and everything else has. We had 2 messes in the hostel then. One of them was for us and the other for the seniors. Well, this rule unfortunately lasted only for the 1^st few days only. Soon after, we made to stand in a long queue along with the seniors for all the 3 meals of the day. I still remember how one of the nanis(the governess) used to stand beside us trying to prevent any kind of ragging. Initially, she seemed like some goddess to us. It was later on, that we got to know that she was one who used to complain against us to the matron. The first few days were the loneliest of the times spent here. No friends as such in the class and still not very close to the roomies. In short, "ghar ki bahaut yaad aati thi". There used to be these long discussion sessions after coming back from the college. Here, we (and those from D/73) sat down to tell each other about all that they faced in the college that day, which seniors did they like, who was looking at them and all that. Then there were these "gyaan darshan" sessions which were held pretty often. I seemed to be the most dumb of all and these sessions used to teach me the most cause I probably lived in some alien world of my own when my kins learnt all that stuff while at school. By now I’m sure you must have got what all I’m talking about. For those who havent, you can mail me your queries.

Ahh!! My favourite part. Exam time. Then, we used to have 3 internals. Ohh!! What a pain in the neck they were. The first one seemed to be pretty interesting though, interesting as in; all seemed to be anxious about it. But the later, they used to be days I tell you. All that entrance kinda seriousness in the 1st internal got down to going about asking the syllabus to somebody or the other the day before the exam. I still remember, for the 1^st exam, I had done more than 5 revisions for each subject before the exam. For the 2^nd, it came down to 2 and by the 3^rd exam, I was sitting, with one of the guys of our class in the RR (reading room), trying to solve out the exercises. Whatever the case was, I managed to maintain the school waala sincerity for the 1^st 2 sems and secure decent marks. The 2^nd time was the last time that I had a decent score. After that, I shattered all my parents’ hopes. I could never really make them happy with my marks. After the 2^nd sem, I switched over to Electronics and examination time scenes got even worse with each progressing sem. I guess that is what engineering is all about, not knowing until the last day what to study. This being the last sem, I’m least interested in classes. Sir, is pleased to see me in the class if ever I happen to visit that most deserted place. If I go on writing about exams , then probably I would finish this entire blog exams. So, I would rather put an end to this for now.

When I talk so much about my 1st sem, how dare I forget our "beloved" warden? The seniors would still spare us but not this woman. Her physique and voice very rightly portrayed her character. If you hear somebody yelling at the top of her voice right at morning 8.00 at any of the staff or a student, it must be her. She was somehow not very appealed by my looks I guess, cause I happened to be her victim very often for absolutely no reasons and then I used to call up home and burst out crying saying, “ Mom, this place is very bad. I don wanna stay here.” A lot of the evenings were spent in the senior’s rooms’, though ragging was strictly prohibited in the college. Things did change a little after the “Welcome Function”. We did gel pretty much with our seniors. Ours was the last batch wherein, we had some kinda senior-junior interaction. Now, our juniors almost do not know us at all. We used to spend a lot of time with our super seniors and grand seniors. We had a lot of those of story sessions where they taught us a lot of things. We rarely got such opportunities. Now, the situation is worse to the extent that, we are kicked out of the campus when our juniors have the lunch break so that they can roam about freely in the campus and that none of us rag them. Gradually, we began belonging to the college. There were a lot of these crushes on the batch mates and seniors as well. I find it so funny now; when I think of how I used to wait for a particular roll number to be called out so that I could have that one glance. I might have slept during the entire class but then attendance time was when all sleep wandered onto some distant hinterland. When I talk of sleeping in the class, I should make a special mention of it. This is another thing which hasn’t changed all through these 4 years. I slept in the class on the very 1^st day and I do that even today, very boldly. The only difference being that, then I was a back bencher and now I’m a first bencher. Strange change, from back to front, isn’t it? Even I realized it right now as I was writing this blog, though there was no special reason for it. .It just happened. There is also another strange element to it and it is the fact that I never used to sleep in the class while at school but it became my patent when I came to the college. And amongst guys, sleeping was something they loved doing (if at all they loved anything).

With days passing by, it started feeling homely in the hostel and college seemed very known a place. This I’m talking about the time towards the end of 2^nd sem. We now had a group of 6 great friends now. It was altogether a very unique experience living some 500 odd people in the hostel. A very different lifestyle, at least for me who had interacted with very few people in the past life. College was an ideal place more for spending time and less for acads. Life all of a sudden seemed really beautiful. It was at this point of time that I realized how colourful life can be. All was just perfect.

Here, I’ll skip a couple of years and come straight to the final year.

Date: 30^th January, 2008 Time: 1.00 am

That entire scare on the face has been replaced with utmost carelessness and attitude, “I give a damn”. Restrictions!! They hardly make any sense to us now. Now that we have successfully extended our hostel entry time till 8 pm, it feels like some ‘achievement’. For many of us out here, seeing the stars shine in the sky was a great deal. With the reverse countdown on and barely 90 more days to go at this place, there is a mixed bag of feelings. There are a lot of things that I have learnt at this place. I learnt how to manage everything by myself, manage money (a great deal for me), and most important of all, being with a lot of people other than my family. An evening in 1^st year is so different than that of now. Then, it was, “I have to do so many things” and now, it is,” the times gone, and nothing more can be done”. But definitely there is a very heavy experience bag. If it was get up early in the morning in the 1^st sem and not miss a single class, then, now it is like,” abe yaar mood nai hai, chal so jaate hain, class jaake kya hoga?”. It indeed feels great to be like this. A big change indeed, for me. Until the last sem, I still was pretty sincere but then I learnt a lesson that just by being sincere in the class here isn’t enough. It requires a lot of other things as well, which I’m not ready to do. So, here I am the bindaas types. I occasionally visit the dull, soporific place. Anything other than attending classes seems very interesting. Moreover, with the Kritansh (our fest) thing on, I have greater reasons to stay away from those faculties who are neither good to look at nor great to talk to. So, there is absolutely no reason for being present in the class. Uff!! I won’t go on writing about this. Just imagine how boring it must be? I’m not even able to write down a few lines on it.

With a very few months left at this place, people have got busier in lives, each giving each other’s life a serious thought, on what’s next. Every one has it in the mind that we have had enough of vellagiri and it’s time for some serious work. In contrast to the initial days, we spend a lot less time with each other. While it used to be so eventful when we were in the 1^st and 2^nd years, there is least amount of work to be done. Very few classes, most of which we don’t attend. In short, there is very little engagement. there are distant airs of nostalgia of leaving the place. When I’m reminded of the fact that I’m not gonna be a part of this campus after sometime, it gives a sense of insecurity because I’ll miss some of the prized possessions of my life that I found here (my friends), and the lovely college days (the best days of our life) would be gone after a few months. So, I dedicate this first article of my blog to my “college days”