Now that I know I am on the way, the destination's well-decided and not quite far, waiting becomes difficult. Well, that says to how human I still am! I know I haven't ranted enough of what I wanted to but it's already past 1 a.m. and my batteries are out. Beyond this, it would be incomprehensible thoughts told the incomprehensible way. Anyway, I know it didn't make a lot of sense to many who read it. For all those to whom it didn't, just ignore. Anyway it were just rants and you missed nothing. But if you can, think on what I urged you to and feel what I feel right now cause you too would be there someday.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Ecstasy!
It has been quite sometime now! The final bells have begun to ring since quite sometime with the earnest request for me to wake up for it's the last and final call else I would miss the flight and probably there is no re-scheduling as well cause even if there is; by the time I make it there, the meeting would almost be done with and it would be pointless going there. Believe it or not, this time I do respond to the call (at least it seems so) and wake up to make way for the sun to bless me with all its rays. Had it not been so, as it usually was the case, I would have gone by my usual way of snoozing alarm and wandering in the intricate alleys of my mind to run after some other dream and would have as ever ignored my ethically and conscientiously punctual alarm bells. But, as I said, it's not so this time and that is why I am here to blog today in spite of wanting to do so badly since the past some days. Precisely, this is the reason I title my blog "Ecstasy". Think! You have been aiming for something for a long time and some fate-filled (not to be mis-read as fateful) day, when least expected, it finds you! That surely is ecstasy! What I talk of here is not the merrymaking that I do on the achievement of the goal but on the realisation of the fact that I am on the path one needs to tread to be there or at least I need to, in order to be able to win. I can talk of this with so much force because once you know that you are on the right path, there no second thoughts about victory. It is then that nothing else matters. Al I see is the bird's eye. I feel like repeating an old hindi dialogue, "aaj bhagwan se kuch aur bhi maangti to mil jaata". Amazing is all I wanna say. The struggle to put my feet firm was on for some years now and now it's gone. May be for the first time I happy at something going away. I usually am one of those people who becomes very sad on the departure of something, good or bad! Now! No more!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
It's Saturday night!!!
Hey all!
Its saturday night! I say this as if no one knew that it was a saturday night. Of course, you did. But why do I have to shout and tell you that it is a saturday night and what is so special about it? Actually, there is nothing special about it, that's the reason I am compelled to yell out my frustration.
The cues for this story come way back from my distant past when I was a kid. As a kid, I dreamt of growing up real fast and trace the lifestyles of the youngsters that I usually saw on the television, though we just had the Doordarshan which was also a door ka darshan for me most of the times. I grew up and did enjoy quite a lot of that which I dreamt of. While at college, I realised I have not done anything great and that I was capable of a lot more than what I was doing. This feeling persisted with me for quite sometime and and I guess, inherently it still does. Infact, that does kill me at times and robs me of the happiness that is long due.
As I said, I dreamt of making it big someday and just always dreamt and never quite worked for it except for the retrospections at the regular intervals.
In the mean time, we had the regular campus drive at our college (deemed to be one of the best in the state) and I got selected in the first company itself without any hassles and efforts. Inspite of all, it gave me a sense of relaxation and almost all in the campus got a reason to celebrate and celebrations went on until it was a year and time to leave college forever. All this time, we did not realise how much of time we had wasted which would never come back and when we did realise there was nothing much to be done. Then, there was this hope of being great at job and the feeling that I would go on to be a part of the best IT company in India. Vignettes of a life that had loads of fun, freedom, money, independence and all that I had dreamt of as a kid would come alive in my mind quite often.
Pretty soon after college did I get the call to join the company I was selected in. They did not even give me the time to feel bad for the fact that I have left college never to meet my friends fo life again. All hopes pinned on those late night parties, weekend trips, great colleagues and awesome fun at office that grown ups have.
Its been a year now that I have been working with this company and I haven't seen a great saturday night or an out and out fun filled weekend bash at the nearby beach with the new friends that I thought I would make nor have I successfully enjoyed my independence. Its a satrday night again and I lay on my bed struggling to sleep and wake up early for the early morning coaching class ( a struggle again to make it to a top b-school with a hope to get out of this boredom, at least to go to a college and make new friends) . I realise today that there is nothing great about being a grown up, just the urge to grow up and the time we spend growing up is exciting, nothing else is. Its all only about sour relationships, awkward moments, unfulfilled dreams (with a still a ray of hope like every cloud has a silver lining), stressed days at office, unworthy work, dull moments with not a way out and loads of time to retrospect and immense urge to turn back..........
Its saturday night! I say this as if no one knew that it was a saturday night. Of course, you did. But why do I have to shout and tell you that it is a saturday night and what is so special about it? Actually, there is nothing special about it, that's the reason I am compelled to yell out my frustration.
The cues for this story come way back from my distant past when I was a kid. As a kid, I dreamt of growing up real fast and trace the lifestyles of the youngsters that I usually saw on the television, though we just had the Doordarshan which was also a door ka darshan for me most of the times. I grew up and did enjoy quite a lot of that which I dreamt of. While at college, I realised I have not done anything great and that I was capable of a lot more than what I was doing. This feeling persisted with me for quite sometime and and I guess, inherently it still does. Infact, that does kill me at times and robs me of the happiness that is long due.
As I said, I dreamt of making it big someday and just always dreamt and never quite worked for it except for the retrospections at the regular intervals.
In the mean time, we had the regular campus drive at our college (deemed to be one of the best in the state) and I got selected in the first company itself without any hassles and efforts. Inspite of all, it gave me a sense of relaxation and almost all in the campus got a reason to celebrate and celebrations went on until it was a year and time to leave college forever. All this time, we did not realise how much of time we had wasted which would never come back and when we did realise there was nothing much to be done. Then, there was this hope of being great at job and the feeling that I would go on to be a part of the best IT company in India. Vignettes of a life that had loads of fun, freedom, money, independence and all that I had dreamt of as a kid would come alive in my mind quite often.
Pretty soon after college did I get the call to join the company I was selected in. They did not even give me the time to feel bad for the fact that I have left college never to meet my friends fo life again. All hopes pinned on those late night parties, weekend trips, great colleagues and awesome fun at office that grown ups have.
Its been a year now that I have been working with this company and I haven't seen a great saturday night or an out and out fun filled weekend bash at the nearby beach with the new friends that I thought I would make nor have I successfully enjoyed my independence. Its a satrday night again and I lay on my bed struggling to sleep and wake up early for the early morning coaching class ( a struggle again to make it to a top b-school with a hope to get out of this boredom, at least to go to a college and make new friends) . I realise today that there is nothing great about being a grown up, just the urge to grow up and the time we spend growing up is exciting, nothing else is. Its all only about sour relationships, awkward moments, unfulfilled dreams (with a still a ray of hope like every cloud has a silver lining), stressed days at office, unworthy work, dull moments with not a way out and loads of time to retrospect and immense urge to turn back..........
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